In 1876, Nadezhda von Meck wrote to Nikolai Rubinstein with the hope that he could recommend a violinist who would join her household. She was willing to pay handsomely for the position, which also included travel and ample private practice time. Iosif Kotek, a student of Tchaikovsky’s at the conservatoire, was the violinist to accept her offer. Von Meck was familiar with Tchaikovsky’s music, and desired to have him arrange some of his compositions for piano and violin. Kotek appealed to Tchaikovsky on behalf of von Meck, and Tchaikovsky accepted the commission. After receiving her arrangements, von Meck immediately wrote a thank you note to Tchaikovsky. Tchaikovsky then wrote a prompt reply. Surely neither envisioned the enduring friendship and correspondence that these two notes began.
Though their relationship had a distinctly businesslike dimension (initially due to von Meck’s commission, and later because of her patronage), it was more of a friendship in nature. At the time their correspondence began, Tchaikovsky was beginning to feel dissatisfied at the conservatoire, was coming to terms with his homosexuality, and was considering marriage despite his inclinations. Von Meck was newly widowed, and had sought emotional comfort in an extramarital affair which produced an illegitimate child (she later learned that knowledge of her affair caused her husband’s fatal heart attack.) Both Tchaikovsky and von Meck disliked crowds and people and did their best to keep to themselves. With their emotional needs and their desire for solitude, a friendship through correspondence was likely ideal. It was doubly so for Tchaikovsky when considering her financial support. He wrote, “I owe everything, everything, to you.” It seems doubtful that he was speaking only of her patronage when he also stated that he found writing to von Meck “a source of enormous pleasure” and that it was done “to satisfy my heart’s need.” The friendship was not one sided. Von Meck wrote similar expressions of endearment, saying, “Hearing from you is not only enjoyable and precious, but also beneficial.” Tchaikovsky married Antonina Milyukova only six months after this correspondence began—the marriage lasted only two months before they separated. It was certainly serendipitous that Tchaikovsky had a friend and emotional support from von Meck during the worst time of his life. The two only referred to Antonina as “a certain personage” in their correspondence, which speaks (at least a little!) to friendly loyalty.
As one who spent her childhood pre-internet, I was an avid corresponder. I found pen-pals in cousins, friends, and even the occasional kid met at a campground. I find the letters between Tchaikovsky and von Meck charming, likely because I can relate to the desire for connection and communication with friends through written words. I love that von Meck requested a photograph of Tchaikovsky. (That is such a pen-pal thing to do!) And her response upon receiving it is delightful: “I thank you, I thank you again and again, Petr Il’ich, I clasp your hand warmly for the lovely photograph, which made me so happy that the whole world seemed to light up and warmth and lightness filled my heart. May you always be as happy as I was at that moment.”
In a letter from November 1877, Tchaikovsky apologizes for being so melancholy, but admits that he couldn’t resist writing about it to his dear friend. He details his grief and depression and mentions that once he leaves Venice he will feel better. He closes the letter with, “Farewell, much-beloved and precious friend. One day my letters will cease to be endless outpourings of grief and woe! Soon, I hope…I shall go on writing to you every time I feel the need to unburden my soul in confession.” It is the post script that speaks to my pen-pal heart: “I don’t suppose you’ll be in time to write to me in Venice, but then I’m sure I will get a letter from you in Vienna. Just in case, I’ll give you my address in Venice: Hôtel S. Gallo.” Tchaikovsky’s hope of receiving a letter, despite it being unlikely before his departure, is endearingly human.
The correspondence between Tchaikovsky and von Meck is a treasure, not least because he often describes his thought processes and composition details. However, I find the personal tone and vulnerabilities discussed between friends to be most fascinating. By all accounts, Tchaikovsky was a nice guy, and I enjoy reading their letters, knowing that he had a good friend in von Meck.
Andrea Davis
Bibliography
Brown, David. Tchaikovsky: The Man and His Music. New York: Pegasus Books, 2007.
Tchaikovsky, Pyotr, and Nadezhda von Meck. To My Best Friend: Correspondence between Tchaikovsky and Nadezhda von Meck1876-1878. Trans. Galina von Meck. Ed., Edward Garden and Nigel Gotteri. Oxford: Clarendon Press, 1993.
Wiley, Roland John. “Tchaikovsky, Pyotr Il′yich.” Grove Music Online. 2001; Accessed 28 Feb. 2020. https://0-www-oxfordmusiconline-com.lib.utep.edu/grovemusic/view/10.1093/gmo/9781561592630.001.0001/omo-9781561592630-e-0000051766.
Tchaikovsky Seminar 
I love that you included the fact that von Meck had asked for a photograph! I imagine her writing letters at a desk with a small picture framed beside her of Tchaikovsky to remind her of the friendship she enjoyed with him. Your post also included more details about the two’s hard relationships in the form of Tchaikovsky’s marital disaster and von Meck’s affair. In general, your post is more focused on the beginning of Tchaikovsky and Nadezhda von Meck’s relationship through correspondence, which starts out with some hesitancy until von Meck suggests that Tchaikovsky write with more freedom as if writing to a close friend in Letter 13.
As a Millennial, I grew up when the internet was already very present and email was more common than handwritten letters already. I still write to the people who are closest to me, and I find that a handwritten thank you letter is a more sincere, human way of conveying gratitude. The comparisons to your own writing to family, or friends at camp, touched me and reminded me of the fact that I should perhaps write to people more often.
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As you mention, the fact of both of them being misanthropes brought them together in a private way that allowed a unique correspondence. I feel the same way about her patronage, he found in her much more, she was like a therapist to him,(of course in the best way possible)Tchaikovsky could rely on her with any troubled thought to find answers. Perhaps she was also seeking some comfort in life and Tchaikovsky’s friendship did that for her, although I can’t get my head around to where exactly things changed or if they at all did in terms of clarifying exactly what they were. This Platonic Love they had was really tested when he decided to marry Antonina, and remained for many years even after this marriage was over. It had to be on this period (after the marriage failed) when Von Meck finally realized his real circumstances, she now could explained the why’s to most of the things she wasn’t sure of. I guess in a way, she understood how important she was in his life, she played a role no one else could have, and gave unconditional support to him.
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